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Showing posts from June, 2021

Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word

     Many years ago, alone in my church office, I received a somewhat startling call.  “Is that the minister?” said a voice. “Yes” I replied. “I was sexually abused by your church when I was young” the voice said, “and I’m only realizing now how much it’s affected me, how angry I am. I’m going to go public and tell the newspaper and sue the church!” Although the story of abuse (ironically by a trusted lay leader rather a clergyperson) was not new to me, the phone call caught me by surprise. I assured the person that I cared very much about their experience and would be willing to meet with them to hear their story. Then I reached out to others I imagined had more experience than I did in this kind of situation; mentors, colleagues, lay leaders and lawyers familiar with sexual abuse litigation.  I received all kinds of advice and among it was: “Don’t meet alone with the person. Don’t say you’re sorry or admit that it happened. Tape future phone calls. Keep notes and make sure there’s a